From the Labor Commission of the CPUSA, updates, information, news, analysis, and organizing materials in solidarity with workers of the world.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Love me, love me, I'm a Free Marketeer

Breaking News:

An oil producing corporation announced the oil spill in Gulf of Mexico
has become part of its ongoing commitment to support Green programs
that conserve energy.
The company's scientists and engineers have found the oil in the
water acts like a lubricant between the water and the hulls of
watercraft operating in the contaminated areas thus reducing drag
which saves fuel.
The company has applied for international patents for its discovery
and has announced its accountants are at this moment working
feverishly on rate schedules users of its discovery will be charged.
Also, it's legal department is seeking exclusive access rights to
all major shipping lanes in the world which it plans to contaminate
with this new energy-saving discovery.
In addition the company says it is petitioning the Nobel Committees
that it be awarded the Grand Slam of Nobel Prizes that include the
prizes in Physics, Chemistry, Medicine, Literature, Peace and Economic
Soon after the announcement, Wall Street announced it is suspending
all trading as a result of a massive sell-off of unrelated shares to
raise money to buy shares in the oil company.
Meanwhile, a company executive said at a press conference he has
gotten his life back and it is better than ever and the lesson we
should all take away from this is to trust the free enterprise system
because the market place will always find a way to exploit any
disaster it creates.
"Life is good," he said, ending the press conference.

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